I have done all that I can!

Walking by the sea was never something that she did to relieve herself from thoughts. For she didn’t have a sea in her hometown. Coming to the new town, even for a couple of months has been helping her quite a lot. She wanted to stay from all that connected her to the used to be normal, regular life which she hoped and believed would be the one she will have for the rest of her life. But what all she had to bear in just a year!

A crow’s caw brought her back to the present.

The rhythm of the waves churned her memories, both good and bad, of sweet love, bitter fights, serious discussions, hopeful dreams,  colourful promises, comfort and pleasure, tears and anguish. She could neither count them nor put them in an order now. There were too much of everything. She felt a throng of pain somewhere inside. She wondered how her heart can stay alive after all that happened..

A tear drop rolled down from her eyes. A soothing wind blew it away from her face..

The sand tried to stick to her feet, but couldn’t as she hadn’t wet her feet. She watched as the grains of sand washed itself away from her feet as she moved on. “May be it was like this between us,” she thought. But at the back of her mind she knew, and for very much he too knew well that she had always tried her best to be there for him. “Just like these grains of sand,” She sighed.

The sound of someone playing flute for some random tune reached her ears..

She watched the couples walking hand in hand, parents having a splash with kids, photographers trying to click away their best shots of the sunset, sellers and buyers of all kinds, also some others like her, simply looking towards the horizon. “Will anyone here be like me trying to hide from it all?” She wondered.

The sky was deep red imparting its colours to the blue sea..

“I have waited long enough. I tried my best to make him understand. I just wanted him to prove himself.” The thoughts flooded her again. But to drown them all, she knew the bitter reality. He didn’t give it try. Or rather he never tried. And the last and final bit, He failed her! She was strong on the inside now. For she had cried many times and had had many sleepless nights for thinking about the same thing. “Why couldn’t he just try?” The question to which she will never find an answer for, she had a sarcastic smile in her lips..

The sun was about to set displaying an extravagant brilliance of colours in the sky..

“I have done all that I can! I don’t have it any more in my hands.” She thought aloud in her mind. “I have always loved you, I wanted to be yours, I was there every time you needed me..” But… Simply wishing that I would be yours was not just enough for us. “I wanted you to try. At least once. You haven’t. I wish you nothing but the best; And, You have lost me!” She looked up to the sky. She thought “Is this what You call fate?”

She started walking towards the sea. The waves touched her feet. The cold water was soothing to her. She watched closely again as the water washed the grains away this time. No trace of it anymore. “Yes, its over!” She whispered.

She heard someone calling her name. She turned to look behind her. She saw someone with a warm smile walking towards her.

“You okay? Sorry I am a bit late.” He said. “Yes, I am. I was entertaining myself!” He took her hands and they started walking hand in hand, he explaining how the traffic made him late, how busy the day had been, the FM radio song he had been listening to.. blah blah blah.. She nodded all the way along.

She paused for a second and looked at him. Gave him a smile, thinking, “I owe you for understanding me. I like you for picking me up from bits. And today I can say, I love you..” She stood in front of him looked into his eyes and said “Thank You..”

He smiled, squeezed her hand and started walking again. This time an all knowing silence hugged their conversation.

It was already twilight. The north star twinkled somewhere far north in the sky…

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Bliss of being 25 & Single! With due respect to all…

Oh, I wanted to write this ever since I joined the 25 Club! One or the other friends who catch me in ‘green light’, or being ‘active’ has always this question to ask me. You know it too..

Yes it is the obvious, ” When are you getting married?” question. The inevitable question that nearly everyone asked me when I went on holiday to India last year. No matter who they are; seniors, juniors, family, relatives, church members and who not! Well, I had a smile on my lips first and a prepared answer which was this “Soon after I finish my research Uncle/Aunt/Sis/Bro/whoever!” But I tell you I was tired and didn’t really want to hear this question any more by the time it was time to fly back! 

Well, I think it is a genuine concern on the person’s side (some, oh, No, very few) who ask this and for me when I give this answer, it is purely genuine (Imagine a halo around my head). But the problem begins when the questions don’t stop there. It wanders around my future, my conceived picture for my future husband, my salary, and down to the number of kids I should have! Oh! I forgot the warning bit, “you will miss out the good guys and also you will be old when you have kids if you leave this matter unattended.” Nothing but pure shock on my face can be the only reaction to these conversations!

Things started to go out of control when my best friends started getting married. I am so happily ‘liking’ and ‘commenting’ on their Facebook statuses and photos and there my family is busy attending all those marriages and hearing the same question but with a twist this time ..”So then Ajeet,(my Father) when are you planning to give us a luncheon/dinner party like this for your daughter?”  He casually smiles and says, “Ah, very soon I guess! The sooner my daughter says yes, the very next day!” So optimistic! I don’t blame him at all.. For a father whose daughter is a researcher this is quite normal! 

Coming back to the topic ‘Bliss of being 25 and single!’ I have intentionally added a respect word here so that I can doubly assure that this is solely my experience and this has no connection to no one at all.. Here are the reasons I think I am blissful @ 25 as a single. 

  • I can still study! (Research is making me a good student every single day.)
  • I can explore! (The lonesome travels I make every now and then gives me wings to fly.)
  • I can eat what ever I like! (Spicy, hot, blanched, sweet, and those calories filled dishes to calories less salads.) 
  • I can stay awake as long as I want to and sleep peacefully. (Don’t want to discuss too much here)
  • I can read and write! (Not about literacy, but lazy, cozy, coffee cup writing and reading)
  • I can have fluctuations in my weight! (yes, I don’t care if I look like a fat cow)

The list would go on and on with what I can. Let me try some I don’t have to.. 

  • I don’t have to go for compulsory parties (Of course, if you want a pleased partner)
  • I don’t have to wear make up everyday! (Casual works best for me)
  • I don’t have to report and ask permission before I do everything (Sometimes, due to necessity, yes, otherwise No.)
  • I don’t have to take extra luggage with me (Mine is more than enough)

Well, I want to write more, but I am forcing myself to a stop here. Why? 

Because I am not against marriage and I want to get settled one day or the other. Only thing is that I am not ready for it yet. That’s all. Its that simple. Still it becomes hard to explain. I do have married friends and ones with kids and the newly married ones. I respect them and simply wonder at how they manage stuff quite easily. I am boasting about being single and doing a lot of stuff, but I am nothing when compared to the passion, dedication and love these married couples put into their relationships. Hats off to you guys! 

Well then, my partner, wherever you are I just want to tell you one thing.When you marry me, you have to keep this in mind, “its Me and You against the world!” No one (even kids) are not allowed to come in between us. I am your first daughter and I will be showing all my tantrums to you (Kicking included!). But at the end of the day I can assure you that I will be loving you till my very last moment on this earth! So get ready to grow old (as they say) with me!

So looking forward to some more years of single life, finishing off PhD, and not imagining myself surrounded with nappies and feeding bottles in the near future at all!! 

Yours truly Roshni, Blissfully single @ 25! Image

Rainy Day – The moments of raindrops and Pure laziness..

She sat on her couch with her legs cozily curled. And of course she didn’t want to control the irresistible yawns. Possibly because of an overslept night? Or because of the fortune of having a lazy day off from work? She didn’t know for sure. She made no effort to tie her hair back.. Loose hair locks are pure pleasure on rainy days. She laughed at thought of having them wet! A wet kitten look? Perhaps, Yes!

A steaming cup of coffee and the tempting hazelnut chocolate bar lay beside her cushion. she felt hungry. Wanted to eat the chocolate in a whole munch, but then she also felt like enjoying the chocolate as it stuck to her teeth, leaving its brown impression on lips and oh! the nutty bits too..she felt confused and yet again lazy to do nothing but to stare outside the window.. 

She looked outside through her glass window in the common room. It was raining like the other days. The days of less studies, more leisure; less freedom, more ideas; less imagination, more dreams; less speech, more words; that was when she met him.. Didn’t know how she ‘fell’ in love; “Well, I did!” she smiled to herself.. 

The silver raindrops and the silent thuds on the window sills and doors by the raindrops made her feel ever so romantic. She checked her phone for the obvious missed calls; there was none for the time being. “Ah, doesn’t matter;” She thought and stretched her legs on the couch lazily.. 

The day when she wanted to enjoy the rain that afternoon, he joined her..A casual walk around the college campus; yet those familiar buildings seemed another world with him. A joy filled her heart; He is the ‘companion’, she knew within her.. She controlled the urge to hold his hands. Rather lifted her arms to hold the falling droplets as a memoir of the precious moments.. 

she looked at the rain made patterns on the walls. Making it cold and wet. It was raining still outside… Seemed endless. It had started pouring right from the start of the day and didn’t even stop for a comfy break. “Wasn’t the rain tired?” She thought lazily.. 

She saw her walking with him sharing an umbrella together on one rainy evening. She had felt so happy for being able to walk with him. She loved the way he jumped at the puddles, how he carried his satchel above his head. The way he slightly pushed the umbrella more towards her to make sure she was not getting wet.. And then the moment when their fingers touched each other… Their eyes locked for a full second. Felt like ages. Those were indeed moments of love for them to cherish forever; but moments of laziness for those raindrops lazily falling on them.. The wind blew and they walked away with knowing smile in their faces. The image looked bleak now.. She searched for it again to happen.. 

Now she opened her eyes to know that it was a dream, a long gone memory waiting to be made a reality again.. “Some day for sure”; she sighed..

The coffee was cold now, as always. The lazy thoughts were much sweeter than the chocolate, biting into her last piece she thought. 

The piles of journals safely locked up in her laptop bag gave her a nudge of what she should have been doing right now; but she didn’t care.

Laziness was to be enjoyed.. She got up, switched her laptop on and she tuned into one of her favourite tunes in YouTube dialing her sweet heart’s number on phone waiting to be answered… Image

Falling in Love…

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You don’t know about it until you have started missing something .. You won’t feel it until the absence makes you uncomfortable.. You absolutely don’t get it, until you feel irritated about it.. Then the foolish heart says, “Aha! Gotcha! You thought you would never do it! How about now?” Intelligent mind joins the conversation and comments, “You sure about this? You really want to do this? There is still time!”  But then your thoughts and actions push on and say ” Come on, you are brave! You can do this!”   Oh yeah! You can do this. What? Falling in love!!  Don’t you think? Or Oh! Wait a second, I know that smile, You have already done it, haven’t you? And you are now giving me a beaming broad smile! Keep smiling, Keep reading!

Now, a few days ago, I read somewhere, “Love is nothing  but pure anger!” I found it a bit weird, but then later during the day, I realised what it truly meant! Ofcourse it is anger! You know the moments you miss that special person, you get angry. You don’t see his/her’s calls, you get angry. Your calls gets unanswered, you get angry! The special person doesn’t utter those special words and in the special way, again you get angry! All the time angry! Now don’t you see, Love is nothing but only anger? I am not sounding a pessimist, am I? Well, let me finish first, then you judge. All those tiny anger moments will make you more attached to the stupid little heart that you believe beats for you. The care and compassion shown to each other during those silly (or sometimes nasty) fights, would have made you smile at least once! After fight moments are in everyone’s favourites. Those melting chocolate words smudged on each other would happily take away the harsh words thrown at each other! Well, this is the brighter side, of course, there are fights which never end and you just end it with a note of silence. It is totally a different story. Lets not enter that now, may be another time!

Falling in love, sounds easy and we all turn love gurus in some one else’s affair! (I have been in that role many times)  It looks easier; firstly when we are convinced by the character of that person seen until that day we fall in love (later on the picture changes, most of the times). Secondly because YOU think you can do it as you have seen and known so many other love stories.

SO, to end with, falling in love with a person is definitely easy, if you are sincere and truthful in that. For you can easily forgive and forget any negatives from each other’s side. It always has a responsibility factor attached to it! Oo a respect factor too!

Well people, no more advises or guru mantras! Happy falling in love! Not with just one thing! But with everything around you!

Stay happy and love full!

P.S. The inevitable question: Roshni, are you in love?

The only answer I know: Yes, always. “I am doing that always so that I can learn how to do it!” (Adapted from Pablo Picasso)

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,300 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 11 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Missed You All…

A very Big Hi to you all… :) Hope you all are in good health and happiness… 

You  might have been wondering what happened to me and my blog posts.. :)  

Apparently there was a n issue with my blog and I had to resolve it …

I can tell you that now I am feeling so very happy… 

I have been carrying along with me the lost feel  for days.. 

I had lost all my posts, snaps and most importantly YOU!!! 

All thanks to you who have supported me so far… 

Love and Hugs.. 

I cannot tell how much happy and relaxed I am feeling right now..

Lets start a new journey together..Once again…. 

Love and hugs to all…

Have a nice time wherever you are… 

Yours Rosh…

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Reminiscing Gandhi!

Gandhi.  Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Called as Mahatma. Today marks his birthday, Gandhi Jayanthi. Truly recalling him and his principles on this day? I wonder. Agreeing with peers, today is the day when all the Gandhi statues get cleaned up and gets a garland on! Left without even a glance for the rest of the year. Occasionally Independence or Republic days too. Other than that who wants Gandhi? Let alone his principles.

He noted for his non violence, still stands quiet at market places, courts and other municipal or state building premises. Sometimes he may get the shade of a tree or a flag, but otherwise he gets the company of crows and pigeons, who leave their mark on him! All bearing Gandhi!

Colleges, hospitals and offices do their bit of cleaning and mark their social service week prior to Gandhi Jayanthi. Why? To show that his values are still taken care of? I don’t think so. All part of convenience. Or might be to initiate more ‘funds’ – non violent monetary missions!

Today Gandhi has become just a piece of paper. A picture in the Indian Rupee notes. Almighty power for the rich.
Today Gandhi has to witness division in the society. Based on caste and sub caste. Never mind the religion.
Today Gandhi is fashion where fashionista design their dhotis and kurthis on the same fabric he wore.
Today Gandhi is  witnessing his country being exploited by the very own. In spite of  all resources we have.
Gandhi Jayanthi is one among many other national  holidays, very best in the list being strikes!!

India where Kashmir never sleeps peacefully..
Kargil losing her sons ever; so many families left in dark..
Even a child has to carry a gun before he even knows how to hold a pen!
Girls abused, killed and thrashed …Yet silence is never broken..
Equality is preached over and over again, never ever in practice though..
Not even a single benefit for the common citizen without proper profit for the rulers.
Hikes on food, and petrol always increasing…
Scams hitting record numbers and huge amounts daily..

Oh, Gandhi! Did you dream of such an India? I bet not.
You will not recognise this new India.

India robbed out of her glory, and yet is a millionaire’s paradise!!
What a contradiction! But Truth!

Bowing down before you and giving you a good respectful glance I wish you all the wishes of Gandhi Jayanthi!

*****

Views.

You may see it.
Yet many others may even won’t notice.

You may watch over it.
Yet others many even discard.

You have your view while others their own!

 

You won’t like it in a way,
Yet others will love anyway..

You will hate it,
Yet others may shout praises.

You have your view while others their own!

 

You ignore it.
Yet others regard it with utmost care.

You wish it didn’t exist,
Yet others search for the evidence.

You have your own view while others theirs’.

 

View. One word, but so many facets…
The word that has positive and negative.
The word with a hint of caution.
Simple yet serious.
A word with more than one definite meaning.
View- >  Opinion. View.

Does your view match with mine? Its your view!

Hello.. Accidental helpline here…

Hello there, it says..
Accidental helpline to help you in many ways.
When did you last have an accident? it asks..
And before you say anything, it begins its tasks..
They say  it will take only a minute..
And hundreds of questions to even fill it..

They never ever listen to what we have to tell,
Finally it makes us nothing but yell..
Some even say to ‘go to hell’
That differs from person to person very well..

My answer to them is this,
And I won’t yell  or hiss..

“Oh my dear helpline furry,
Please You don’t worry..
I am in a hurry,
For I have to make a curry…
I think I am not yet in a haste to bury,
My life is all but now a slurry..
For now, I want to go out in a  ferry,
Thank You for your call, But I can’t bear you  and I am really sorry… !!!”

*************

 

 

 

The Power Within…

Languages are wonders of the living world. How many languages does this world hold? Innumerable  I would say.. India is culturally rich and for the matter of languages, India is one of those countries where even still languages exist which is not deciphered easily. So here is one of the poems from her languages..

Indian language, Bengali or Bangla… The language where one of the great poets, Rabindranath Tagore wrote his famous lines. I for no reason had always loved the way Bengali is spoken. I like the way they say, ‘Lolita’ for the name ‘Lalitha’.

When I went to Shakespeare’s birthplace in Stratford on Avon last month, guess who I saw there.. Rabindranath Tagore! Yes, his statue was placed there as a commemoration of his visit to the place.  I felt really good to be Indian when I saw that. I didn’t miss an opportunity to click a snap with him.. Here is the photograph..

Today me and my friend saw a movie called ‘Kahani’ meaning Story in Hindi. We heard a song called ‘Ekla Chalo Re’ and immediately fell in love with it.. It is one of the poems that Tagore had written for the Indian freedom movement. It is in Bengali language.. Here is the lyrics and the meaning of the song..

(Jodi tor daak shune keu naa ashe tobe ekla cholo re
Tobe ekla cholo, ekla cholo, ekla cholo, ekla cholo re)2

Jodi keu kothaa naa koye, ore ore o abhaagaa, keu kothaa na koye
(Jodi shobai thaake mukh phiraaye shobai kore bhoye)2
Tobe poraan khule (o tui mukh phute tor moner kothaa, eklaa bolo re)2

Jodi shobai phire jaaye, ore ore o abhaagaa, shobai phire jaaye
(Jodi gohan pothe jaabaar kaale keu phire naa chaaye)2
Tobe pothera kaantaa (o tui rokto maakhaa choronatole eklaa dolo re)2

Jodi aalo naa dhore, ore ore o abhaagaa, aalo na dhore
(Jodi jhor-baadole aadhaara raate duyaar deye ghore)2
Tobe bajraanole (aapon buker paajor jaaliye niye ekalaa jolo re) – Bengali

******

If they answer not to thy call walk alone.
If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,
O thou unlucky one,
open thy mind and speak out alone.
If they turn away, and desert you when crossing the wilderness,
O thou unlucky one,
trample the thorns under thy tread,
and along the blood-lined track travel alone.
If they do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm,
O thou unlucky one,
with the thunder flame of pain ignite thy own heart
and let it burn alone.
                                                                                       *********************
Now then I having explained all the technical bits I want to tell you why I found it interesting. 
The poem shows ‘The power within’.. We all reach one or the other situations where every one deserts us and leave us with no option than that to be alone. At that point we all become very weak.
Tagore through his powerful words is urging us to move forwards relying only on the power within.. 
To set our minds on fire and search for what we truly believe in..
We need to move on fearlessly even like a cannon ball which has a definite aim be it destruction! 
So today, through Tagore’s words let me remind you all that, world plays many a trick on us, lays thorns on our paths, gives us pain, and will turn completely mute to us. Even then we should not lose ourselves. I know it will be hard. But press on..
Let us move on.. Even when no one is around, let us move on alone.. Ekla Chalo re… 
Here is the version sung by Amitabh Bachchan  for the movie.. Have a great week end every one!!!